Scattered Thoughts and Japan

America is blessed. Truly blessed. Sometimes it is hard to remember how blessed we are, when we don't see and experience things outside our home, school, state, country, or even ourselves. I'm blessed.

I know a lot of people who have seen many awful and heart throbbing things. I know I have... But sometimes even if we have or haven't been out of the country, or even stepped out of our own environment, we forget there is SO much more out there. Outside of me and my social life, outside my deep missing for India, outside my homework, outside my family, my boyfriend, outside spokane...

There is just SO much outside.

Sometimes, I get frustrated with people and their ignorance. I sit there thinking, "They don't even know..." Once I came back from India, I was so frustrated with America in general.

All the materials, petty conversations, and bad attitudes...

People who have been on a mission trip know what I am talking about...You feel changed for a split moment after you return, and then you struggle to reach that ultimate high of contentment and closeness with God (that you once experienced somewhere else) for the rest of your life, but it just doesn't ever quite get there.

It's hard to want to be in America, when I have felt such frustration towards it. It's just that feeling of always needing to "go" because when I am here I am not doing what I NEED to be doing.

But when I am not here, I miss it. When I am "out there" there are a lot of things I miss.

This might sound a little patriotic...but I really do love our country.

I watch the news and listen to the radio and whenever their is a tragic disaster, whether it be in our country, or in Haiti, or Japan, we really do come together.

We have been thrown into this crazy world, where we are constantly surrounded by ugly things, but it amazes me that our countries can use each other for the better, and honestly make the world a better place. The way God intended it to be. Now, that is absolutely beautiful.

Decisions, Certainty, and Everything Else I Am Terrible At

We are surrounded by familiar and new people everyday. Each person carries something special or unique with them, and most people some time in their life, make the grand decision of choosing a major.

I don't know how many times I have changed my major....Maybe three? Along with various pre-professions...

I am a Nursing major, or should I say was?

One thing I have realized about choosing a major, is that you have got to be passionate about what you are choosing! Because in most cases, we, as college students, are deciding our future. It is the little bit that we have control over.

It is the piece to the puzzle that involves decisions and certainty.

So here I am. Uncertain.

I am so thankful for the people around me that are following their passions, and their certainty is inspiring! Because without these people, I would never get to the point of knowing what I love to do, knowing what makes me spark, or knowing what I am meant to do.

I am not 100% sure of what I want to do or where I am going...That is for sure! But after many years of seeing those people who are nursing majors, I have realized that their passion is not mine. And although it is quite frightening to realize I am once again going in the wrong direction...It is going to be OK.

I have finally realized that the world doesn't just need the medical people. The best thing I can do for this world, is doing what I love and am passionate about, because that is what is going to make me come alive!

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people that have come alive. "

Awake

I was awake. So awake that I thought hard and long, because at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, and 4 am, I was alone and miserably awake. It's a mystery to me, why some nights I just can't sleep. Is it something I ate or drank? Something on my mind? Is my bed too slanted? (my bed collapsed and is now being held up on one side by books). My body was just there, thinking about all the possibilities for my lack of tiredness. Last night was different than most sleepless nights...It wasn't that I just couldn't sleep, it was the fact that I was just not tired, I was undoubtably WIDE awake.

I was once told that sometimes in our times of restlessness or sleepless nights, the cause could be not a circumstance or something we ate or drank, but merely a time to speak to God or more importantly, to listen.

So I prayed.

As I sit here thinking about my long night, I think the biggest thing that gets me is the word "awake."

I have realized I am not very awake. Last night I was awake and alone in my own ideas, prayers, and thoughts and I was REALLY awake.

I was really there. My mind was there and my surroundings were on pause.

I have realized I am not a very awake person during my days of living. I want to be awake! I want to know what I am thinking and dig deep into myself and my surroundings. I want to know myself even deeper and I want to be aware of what is happening within my soul. Because I am never going to know where I want to go and the person I am meant to become if I don't wake up everyday.

The Power of a Sticky Note

I go to Life Center, an amazing non denominational church. The pastor there is phenomenal, just incredible! He is full of wisdom and inspirational words every week that I ACTUALLY get excited for the next sermon. My friends and I are always asking, "I wonder what Pastor Joe's new series is on?!" He is pretty much a celebrity amongst us Whitworthians.

The new series for the next few weeks is called "Pass it on." It is all about being a Christian and passing it on to the world. Sharing the love. Being disciples. All the good stuff we are created to do!

Last Sunday (the first day of the new series) Pastor Joe had everyone take out a handout in our programs that said "love list" above it. We were asked to take a few moments and write down a few names of people that we love that we want to come to know the Lord. It was our new prayer list. Our new mission.

We were then asked to write each name on a sticky note and put it up around the walls of the church. This church is HUGE, and after thousands of sticky notes were on the walls, the walls were covered. The church was covered in names of people that need us everyday. People that need God. In just one church, in one city, we were surrounded by thousands and thousands of people that need us to "pass it on."

I was sitting next to a really great guy that day, and he texted me last night and told me that a friend of his told him he wanted to become a Christian yesterday. After I replied with excitement, I then received a message that said " I put his name on a sticky note."

I put his name on a sticky note...goodness...that just sank right in and gave me chills all over my body.

How incredible!

there are so many good things going on in life right now, but i am having trouble finding inspiration to write!

This is my favorite song right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3CqR_m6NO0&feature=related

Valentines Day

I have never big a big fan of V-day...Not because I am a lonely single who hates to be single, but because I find it a day hard to make truly special when such force and pressure is behind it. Who loves a day filled with expectations and force? Not me.

Tomorrow, a big group of us are getting together. Mostly singles, one married, one dating (husband and bf are out of town), and just a big group of funny and kind people.

I think that tomorrow, might just be my favorite Valentines Day yet!

Presently My Favorite Quote:

Have faith. Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things falls apart, so that things can fall together. -Dan Zadra