this is what it is about.

"Missions then is less about the transportation of God from one place to another and more about the identification of a God who is already there [...] You see God where others don't. And then you point him out. So the issue isn't so much taking Jesus to people who don't have him, but going to a place and pointing out to the people the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst. "-Rob Bell

She wanted a picture of her in the bathroom haha...

Last night I went to India.

Sojinia saw me and came running into my arms.

I jumped into a rickshaw to go see my Amma in Vempalli.

And then I woke up.

Amma, I miss you so much it hurts. One day I will be back there and I won't hurt anymore.

Division of the Fortunate and the Unfortunate.

I hit Division and it begins....

One stop light after another.

One homeless person after another.

I am aware and in the presence of their existence.

Division?

Yes, I think so.

I sit in my car and ponder the division between the person holding a card board sign gripped between two dirty, cold hands and myself.

I try not to make eye contact. If I do, I don't know if I should smile, because if I smile they might think I am going to give...Should I give? But maybe a smile would mean something to them. I wonder how they ended up the way they did. Drugs? Abuse? Lies? Abandonment?

Homelessness, is its own community. They all carry the same look-rugged, tired, cold, sad, alone, hungry, dirty, needy...

Where did it begin? Who was the first person to decide to steal a shopping cart to carry their belongings? Who was the first person to decide to hold up a sign? Why is it always cardboard?

You know what big questions I always have?

"What alley way, business, or dumpster did they find their cardboard? And more importantly, where did they get the marker? Did they buy it? Did they walk into a business and ask for a marker, and proceed to set their cardboard down on that table or desk, to write their humility on that sign?"

How does one begin to find a phrase that is so vulnerable, humiliating, worth money, and just a few words that fits on a space small enough to hold for hours on end?

For some reason...I am so stuck on that sign....

It's art.

Scattered Thoughts and Japan

America is blessed. Truly blessed. Sometimes it is hard to remember how blessed we are, when we don't see and experience things outside our home, school, state, country, or even ourselves. I'm blessed.

I know a lot of people who have seen many awful and heart throbbing things. I know I have... But sometimes even if we have or haven't been out of the country, or even stepped out of our own environment, we forget there is SO much more out there. Outside of me and my social life, outside my deep missing for India, outside my homework, outside my family, my boyfriend, outside spokane...

There is just SO much outside.

Sometimes, I get frustrated with people and their ignorance. I sit there thinking, "They don't even know..." Once I came back from India, I was so frustrated with America in general.

All the materials, petty conversations, and bad attitudes...

People who have been on a mission trip know what I am talking about...You feel changed for a split moment after you return, and then you struggle to reach that ultimate high of contentment and closeness with God (that you once experienced somewhere else) for the rest of your life, but it just doesn't ever quite get there.

It's hard to want to be in America, when I have felt such frustration towards it. It's just that feeling of always needing to "go" because when I am here I am not doing what I NEED to be doing.

But when I am not here, I miss it. When I am "out there" there are a lot of things I miss.

This might sound a little patriotic...but I really do love our country.

I watch the news and listen to the radio and whenever their is a tragic disaster, whether it be in our country, or in Haiti, or Japan, we really do come together.

We have been thrown into this crazy world, where we are constantly surrounded by ugly things, but it amazes me that our countries can use each other for the better, and honestly make the world a better place. The way God intended it to be. Now, that is absolutely beautiful.

Decisions, Certainty, and Everything Else I Am Terrible At

We are surrounded by familiar and new people everyday. Each person carries something special or unique with them, and most people some time in their life, make the grand decision of choosing a major.

I don't know how many times I have changed my major....Maybe three? Along with various pre-professions...

I am a Nursing major, or should I say was?

One thing I have realized about choosing a major, is that you have got to be passionate about what you are choosing! Because in most cases, we, as college students, are deciding our future. It is the little bit that we have control over.

It is the piece to the puzzle that involves decisions and certainty.

So here I am. Uncertain.

I am so thankful for the people around me that are following their passions, and their certainty is inspiring! Because without these people, I would never get to the point of knowing what I love to do, knowing what makes me spark, or knowing what I am meant to do.

I am not 100% sure of what I want to do or where I am going...That is for sure! But after many years of seeing those people who are nursing majors, I have realized that their passion is not mine. And although it is quite frightening to realize I am once again going in the wrong direction...It is going to be OK.

I have finally realized that the world doesn't just need the medical people. The best thing I can do for this world, is doing what I love and am passionate about, because that is what is going to make me come alive!

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people that have come alive. "