Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I was awake. So awake that I thought hard and long, because at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, and 4 am, I was alone and miserably awake. It's a mystery to me, why some nights I just can't sleep. Is it something I ate or drank? Something on my mind? Is my bed too slanted? (my bed collapsed and is now being held up on one side by books). My body was just there, thinking about all the possibilities for my lack of tiredness. Last night was different than most sleepless nights...It wasn't that I just couldn't sleep, it was the fact that I was just not tired, I was undoubtably WIDE awake.

I was once told that sometimes in our times of restlessness or sleepless nights, the cause could be not a circumstance or something we ate or drank, but merely a time to speak to God or more importantly, to listen.

So I prayed.

As I sit here thinking about my long night, I think the biggest thing that gets me is the word "awake."

I have realized I am not very awake. Last night I was awake and alone in my own ideas, prayers, and thoughts and I was REALLY awake.

I was really there. My mind was there and my surroundings were on pause.

I have realized I am not a very awake person during my days of living. I want to be awake! I want to know what I am thinking and dig deep into myself and my surroundings. I want to know myself even deeper and I want to be aware of what is happening within my soul. Because I am never going to know where I want to go and the person I am meant to become if I don't wake up everyday.