Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This is Where the Real Growing Begins

I have been in a dorm since I was fourteen until this year. I grew up in a big family, where there were always at least 10 people at my house. I am a social person, and I never wanted to be alone or had to be alone.

This year is different. Not only am I in a new location, going to a new school, but I am living in a home, where most of the time I am alone. I used to thrive on people's presence, I AM a people person.

Presently, I'm different.

I have spent more time alone this year, then I ever have in my life.

My friends aren't a door away. There aren't girls lined up on either side of me. I don't share a bathroom. I don't pay for laundry. I don't have someone telling me when I can leave and what time I have to be back.

There are many moments where no one knows where I am or what I am doing.

I used to think I had to be around people all the time, because that is what I have been used to. I adapted to my surroundings, my friends, my family, my dorm, the church.

Now, I am learning to adapt to myself.

I watch myself, study myself, observe my mannerisms, listen to the words that come flowing out of my mouth.

I see the things that really make me smile. I am growing.

It is not always easy. Sometimes it is scary or confusing or sad or frustrating. But I think it is important to really dig and dig and dig and keep digging until it is just me. raw me. No friends to hide behind, no fears to hold me back, no boys to think about, no school to stress about.

Just me. And when it is just me, it really isn't JUST me.

It's God and me, and that is where the REAL growing begins.