Thursday, October 28, 2010

Just Myself

I am home for fall break. This is the first time I have been home since school started, and I am alone. My family is scattered all over the place tonight, and it just leaves me, at home, by myself, swimming in my own thoughts. I really haven't felt this alone in a long time. No one to talk to, no homework to bury myself in, just me. Sometimes I am scared to be alone. Because to be alone, means that I can't run away from myself. I am faced with the things outside of homework, social life, and activities. I am faced to look deep into my heart and mind and to dig up the things that make my heart ache.

I sat in the hot tub tonight, and listened to the rain.... I closed my eyes and told myself to stop thinking. It's hard, try it sometime. I made my body relax. Once relaxed I listened to the rain fall, and the rain reminded me of India. Oh, yes, India. Once again, India. Today, I listened to a song that reminded me of my time in India. Today, I opened my cupboard and saw basmati rice, and it reminded me of India. Today, I ate macaroni and it reminded me of how my Indian father called macaroni "macoli." Today, my heart was heavy, and since I am alone, I am faced with myself. Myself misses India oh so dearly.