I see a lot of ugly everyday. I drive from one end of Spokane to the other, and I see it, everyday, on every side...ugly.
I pass by the same struggling, tattered, hurting people everyday. Sometimes I close my eyes as I drive by. Sometimes I stop. Sometimes I give. Everytime I hurt. Hurt for those who haven't been as lucky as me in this game of life.
I'm overwhelmed by the hurt of the world. All the sadness that I can't stop! I read blogs, hear stories, see and experience different worlds and I can't stop hurting and wishing that it would all go away. I want to do BIG things for Spokane. I have realized that it will be a long time until I can venture out into another country or culture and do BIG things for myself, others, and for God. It is hard to accept the fact that the people on the streets of Spokane need help too. As for now, I will do what I can for those in need around me. Because my home town is hurting too.

Kate sent this to me and I loved it... Good reminder!

The Knots Prayer:

Dear God,

Please untie the knots that are in my mind,my heart and my life.Remove the have nots,the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind. Erase the will nots,may nots, and might nots that find a home in my heart. Release me from the could nots,would nots and should nots that obstruct my life. And most of all, dear God,I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back,especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen.

I miss. I just miss....

The worst part about missing someone, it just doesn't go away.

The missing never stops.

Some days, I wait for the day that I won't think, talk, or feel for India. The truth is, that day will never come.

I'll never stop missing it.

Missing someone isn't a choice, it isn't something I can just switch off, and it isn't something that is wrong.

I miss so deeply.

I miss Kara. When I can't talk to Kara, I feel like there is so much that I am keeping to myself.

Missing hurts, oh, it hurts...It is uncontrollable and that makes it so much worse.

Simple

My sister told my family this weekend that this was the best year of her life. That for once, she felt just happy from the inside out. I smiled when I heard her talking. My sister's happiness made me happy.

Today, I was writing in my journal and I felt so uninspired...So many great things are going on in my life, but my journal entry was so boring... I reread what I wrote:

"Life is great. School is great. My friends are great. My family is great. I love my new home. I am doing well in school."

-Just a lot of "goods" and "greats." My sister was right about life...

God is good.

Life is just.

simply.

good.

It's just that simple...

We finally moved into our new house in Spokane. I have my OWN room. After six years in a dorm, I have never been so ready to have my own space with my personality written all over it. Today, I hung pictures up across my head board, I love seeing the people that I love hanging in my room. Even though Whitworth is fun and wonderful, I do miss my amazing friends at Walla Walla.

Love people until they ask you why.

Religion

I am entering my 4th week at Whitworth University today, and the newness of everything is starting to fade away.

My first few days at Whitworth I felt like I was a senior in high school jumping into my first year of college. Not just any senior though, a UCA senior. I felt sheltered and conservative....Two things I have never felt before. I thought Whitworth was going to be the Walla Walla of Presbyterians (whatever that really means). And I was wrong...Here are the few things that crossed my mind over and over again:

"Boys and girls can be in the same dorm?"

"Boys and girls can be in the same room?! WHAT?"

"Um...girl, you need to put that cig out right now! Is anyone else seeing what I am seeing?"

"Dancing? All the time?"

"My teacher cusses a lot."

"Happy Sabbath! Oh wait..."

"Church on Sabbath this weekend or church on Sunday?"

"Nobody here believes what I believe...What do I even believe?"

I have been a little confused lately...At Walla Walla it was kinda just assumed everyone believed the same things, and everyone did the same things. It made it easy for me to decide where I stood or what I believed or did, because everyone around me was doing it.

I was shaped by my environment.

Now, I am in a different environment forcing myself to stand strong. I am trying to figure out where I am religiously, and although I never thought I would ever feel stuck in a place of Religion... I am.