I miss. I just miss....

The worst part about missing someone, it just doesn't go away.

The missing never stops.

Some days, I wait for the day that I won't think, talk, or feel for India. The truth is, that day will never come.

I'll never stop missing it.

Missing someone isn't a choice, it isn't something I can just switch off, and it isn't something that is wrong.

I miss so deeply.

I miss Kara. When I can't talk to Kara, I feel like there is so much that I am keeping to myself.

Missing hurts, oh, it hurts...It is uncontrollable and that makes it so much worse.

Simple

My sister told my family this weekend that this was the best year of her life. That for once, she felt just happy from the inside out. I smiled when I heard her talking. My sister's happiness made me happy.

Today, I was writing in my journal and I felt so uninspired...So many great things are going on in my life, but my journal entry was so boring... I reread what I wrote:

"Life is great. School is great. My friends are great. My family is great. I love my new home. I am doing well in school."

-Just a lot of "goods" and "greats." My sister was right about life...

God is good.

Life is just.

simply.

good.

It's just that simple...

We finally moved into our new house in Spokane. I have my OWN room. After six years in a dorm, I have never been so ready to have my own space with my personality written all over it. Today, I hung pictures up across my head board, I love seeing the people that I love hanging in my room. Even though Whitworth is fun and wonderful, I do miss my amazing friends at Walla Walla.

Love people until they ask you why.

Religion

I am entering my 4th week at Whitworth University today, and the newness of everything is starting to fade away.

My first few days at Whitworth I felt like I was a senior in high school jumping into my first year of college. Not just any senior though, a UCA senior. I felt sheltered and conservative....Two things I have never felt before. I thought Whitworth was going to be the Walla Walla of Presbyterians (whatever that really means). And I was wrong...Here are the few things that crossed my mind over and over again:

"Boys and girls can be in the same dorm?"

"Boys and girls can be in the same room?! WHAT?"

"Um...girl, you need to put that cig out right now! Is anyone else seeing what I am seeing?"

"Dancing? All the time?"

"My teacher cusses a lot."

"Happy Sabbath! Oh wait..."

"Church on Sabbath this weekend or church on Sunday?"

"Nobody here believes what I believe...What do I even believe?"

I have been a little confused lately...At Walla Walla it was kinda just assumed everyone believed the same things, and everyone did the same things. It made it easy for me to decide where I stood or what I believed or did, because everyone around me was doing it.

I was shaped by my environment.

Now, I am in a different environment forcing myself to stand strong. I am trying to figure out where I am religiously, and although I never thought I would ever feel stuck in a place of Religion... I am.

Throwing Myself

I have always been afraid. I would say fear has stopped me from doing a lot of things over the course of my lifetime. My greatest fear is not being good enough. I don't think this an uncommon thought at all, most people I talk with have felt this way at least once.

But I think I have thought this way for too long.

The great thing about a new school year is a new start. Something FRESH!

This year I am doubling my newness with a new year and a new school.

I love Whitworth. It is such a great school, and I am completely enjoying my new life in Spokane.

This year I decided to place myself in the world of the fearless.

Fearless of being alone and trying new things. I went to wild walls by myself last week and I was super nervous and intimidated. I kinda just stood and stared at the routes for awhile, trying to figure how I was going to boulder without looking like a total amateur. Eventually, I just started climbing, then I started asking for help, then I started making friends, then I was improving. I love being fearless! I did something new and I was all by myself.

I am learning how much fun it can be to just throw myself around in this crazy world.