Jumping Out of the Box

I am a psychology major. It took me a long time to get to this point, but now that I am here, I feel pretty confident in my (hopefully) final choice of a degree. It is fun having a main focus in school now! My classes are becoming more alike and I have pretty much weaved through all the classes that have me thinking, "Why am I here?" all semester long. The interesting but almost scary thing about it all, is that I find myself consistently thinking in ways that involve A LOT more out-of-the-box thinking.

I am basically taking psychology and philosphy based classes right now. Can you imagine how much thinking goes through my head in one day?! LOTS. I sit in one class where I am learning to question everything I believe (don't worry, it isn't a class designed to change my beliefs), and then I sit in another where I learn that optimism is a pretty naive way to look at life.

But I love optimism!

I guess this is what growing up feels like. Where we start to learn that learning involves so much more than math, science, and english. Learning is so much more than knowing how to draw the structure of an organic compound or writing a paper on the most influential person in my life. No, learning isn't black and white. Learning well isn't about getting that A I wanted on my test.

Learning is scary and uncomfortable.

But I love this uncomfortable state of contemplating life's great mysteries and questions.

As an example often used in classes similar these, the questions, "When does one become an adult? When did you know you were woman? What classifies one as an adult?" always happen to come up. I think that I would say that I am finally starting to find myself becoming more of woman.

A Camera and Two Hands

Just recently I have begun to imagine what a film would be like, if the whole movie would be simply a camera following nothing but my hands. I think about how much my hands do and the things that they come into contact with...

My hands typing simple words onto a screen.

My pen drawing stars around notes that make me contemplate the world.

Moving my hands around different hands and arms.

Lifting my hands in praise.

My hands working as a team to cook.

Slapping my knee as my laughter consumes me.

My fingers in constant motion while communicating through an iphone.

Jewelry slipping on and off as the days go by.

Meeting new hands.

Comforting.

Cleaning.

Making mistakes.

Selling.

Reading.

Placing.

Grabbing clothes.

On a yoga mat.

Dancing. my hands are always dancing.

I wonder how much I would see? Would this film bring shame? Embarrassment? Pride? Smiles? Questions? Would my hands represent the character of a Woman of God? How much do these hands of mine reveal?

My hands tell stories.

Each day.

A new story.

"Think Good Thoughts"

I'm just gonna say it,
There's no using in delaying,
I'm tired of the angry hanging out inside me,

So I'll quiet down the devil,
I'm gonna knock him with a shovel,
And I'll burry all my troubles underneath the rubble

When I'm alone in my dark dark room,
I have to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

I'm not saying that it's easy,
Especially when I'm moody,
I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,
Oh and you use them, you regret them,
Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,
I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be

I just think rain on a summer night,
Stars filling up the sky,
Sunshining on my face,
Making a secret wish,
Finding my happiness,
That always makes me hold my head up high,
I wanna hold my head up high,

I wanna think good thoughts (Imagine what the world would be if we would just think good thoughts)
I wanna think good thoughts (wouldn't that be something?)
I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

The Middle

My Feather Business

Venice Beach Skating Rink

Missy is a great driver

Oh just Michael Buble and Me-No big.

Beach Time!

Best Friends

Cousins

Walk to Work- Downtown Spokane

I sat on the airplane, traveling home from a 10 day vacation with my cousin (who is also my best friend), and "that place" hit me...I remember feeling "that place" when I came home from India. It's the place that I call the "middle," it's the place where you leave someone you love, or something wonderful like a vacation, but yet you are still not home. Not with the ones you love. And all you have is the missing from the last place you were and the longing for what is to come-the middle. It's a depressing place for me a lot of the time. Because in most cases, it's a pretty lonely place to sit and rest.

When I was on the airplane I stared the middle right in the face and began to think... I don't like the middle, at least I didn't used to. I realized I sit in the middle often...

The school year is my middle until summer approaches, then when I am ready for school to resume, the summer becomes my middle. Then school is once again my middle. So where and when is my beginning and where is my climatic end?

Between each trip I go on, I sit in the middle- awaiting and sometimes stressing over when I get to leave once again.

That makes this last year... my middle.

So where is my beginning and end again? I've become to realize that I am always waiting for something to happen, which can be a great thing, but it allows me to anxiously wait for something far down the road, rather than embrace the very moments I am living. The middle is a great place to be. The middle is a silly thing called life, and we gots to be livin' it up!

I'm working at Nordstrom, and I am loving it. Although my energy levels during my social time have widely decreased, I know that I am pretty darn lucky to have a job where I help someone feel beautiful and happy everyday. I have also started my own little feather extension business, which has added a nice little twist to my life.

I know I am working more than I am playing and seeing my friends right now, but it is so fun being able to make someone's day or meet someone new, because I am adding a feather to their hair; or decreasing the stress of finding "the perfect outfit for a wedding." I feel successful, because I am doing something where not only do I get the chance to lift someone's spirits, but I am meeting crazy cool people that really make my days of low energy and sore feet awesome!

Brito and Troy 2007 Spring Banquet
Troy, Brito, Brock, and Me 2007
Troy and Brock cutting our hair! 2007
Kara and me 2006
Ashley Brito and Kara came to visit me last night. They are two of my best friends from boarding school. When we get together, I just sit there with overflowing joy, and think, " I can't believe we are all together right now!" Kara is famous for her humor, but only the select few even come to realize how funny she really is. Brito giggles like no one else, and she has the ability to laugh at everything that Kara or I do. We get together like it was yesterday. There are so many small details over the years that have been left out, catching up that is so far gone to even bring into conversation, but it never seems like they have left my life for even a moment. Ah, good friends like these make me smile, and make life fantastic. From deep convos to silly dances, I can always count on these two for continuous moments of joy.

"In order to drive out the darkness, turn on the light!"

Stand

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

We sang this song in church with a mashup of "Our God is an Awesome God" and it was REAL good. Songs like these in settings like that bring people together, but not just any people...People in the presence of a God so real.